"Hope" is a theme which plays a great role in my life. Hope, the promise of a new road full of blessings, greatly energizes me. When I’m really down in the dumps, the most effective way to cheer me up is to begin something new and promising. Not so much because of the "adrenaline" of the new or a feeling of self-worth after doing something, but the exciting feeling that, since it’s a new road, blessings may await ahead. Projects like reading a new book, falling for some new guy, setting a new health routine, discovering a new meaningful concept. Following through after the light of Hope is dimmer, though, is another matter.
As often happens in life, however, there is an underside, which I intended to represent above in the reversed Star arcana: Despair, Hope’s antithesis. I can be incredibly hopeful at times, but also completely suffocated by Despair, living thus in an intense Hope/Despair cycle. When Despair takes hold, the entire world is dark, dead, locked, I feel irremediably unfit for it, like no wish will ever come true, and the past has already determined the entire future. Until a new star shows some way and the light of Hope shines again, that is.